Some Simple Solutions to Gift Dilemmas
. . . Frequently Asked Questions
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Many a bride and groom have been heard to say that receiving gifts is "supposed to be fun," but somehow the logistics seem to take the fun away. Following some simple rules of etiquette should help.

How do you let your guests know about your gift preferences?
If you are typical of today's young couple, you may not be going into marriage directly from your parents' home. You are more likely to have been out on your own for a while and have furnished apartments with basic necessities and more. You probably have developed your own taste and would like your new home to reflect your preferences, likes and dislikes. That makes choosing a gift for you more difficult than it was in the "olden days."

The Gift Registry is the perfect solution to that dilemma, but you need to be careful about issues of etiquette, so you guide your guests rather than order them. First and foremost, etiquette tells us that neither the bride nor the groom should be the ones to bring the Registry to the attention of family and friends. Instead, it is far more appropriate for close relatives, members of your wedding party and close friends to get the word out. Under no circumstances should the Gift Registry be mentioned in your invitations (tacky, tacky). The "announcement" needn't be a formal one. It can be by phone or word of mouth, or even via E-mail. Of course, if you are asked directly about your gift preferences, it's okay to mention that you have a gift registry.

This brings us to the question of cash gifts. Many young couples consider cash the very best gifts because it allows them to make whatever purchases they wish, wherever they wish. Cash gifts work particularly well when the young couple is planning to move away from home. It seems like a real waste of money to pack the gifts and then pay to have them moved. Again, this preference should not be announced by the bride and groom. It should be left to close family and friends to pass the word. Under no circumstances should "Cash gifts, please" be included on your invitation!

Despite your "announcing" your wishes, there will be friends and family who decide to buy a gift that's not on your registry. It certainly is the option and the right of guests to may the gift decision with which they are comfortable. Keep in mind, when you get annoyed about receiving such gifts that not everyone wants you to know exactly how much they have spent on your gift.

While we're on the subject of the "chosen" gift, there's a sticky point about which you should be thinking. There will, no doubt, be several gifts that guests choose "off the registry," and, in some cases, these gifts may be from very close family or friends who will expect to see the gift displayed or used in your home. In these rare cases, we suggest that you bite the bullet and keep the gift. Even if it only comes out on the occasions where those people visit, this is an area in which you can really hurt the feelings of exactly the people you may be closest to. Keep in mind too that a gift that may be in direct apposition to your taste today, may be something that will fit your taste down the road. This thought should help to "comfort" you. The likelihood is that you will be moving one day, possibly to a larger home. At that point, the gifts that didn't fit may work really well. This hold true also for gifts of which you receive doubles or even triples. It may be that two champagne flutes is your limit today, but, at some time in the future, you may entertain on a larger scale and, at that point, you'll be glad you kept all those repeat gifts.

Should you decide to return the duplicate of a gift, there's no need to mention that to the gift giver, in person or in your thank you note. Let each of your guests think it's his or her gift you have kept!

If you decide to return a gift, for whatever reason, it's in really bad taste to ask where the gift was purchased. If you cannot figure out where the gift originated and have definitely decided that you don't wish to keep it, begin your own "Gift Closet." regifting is something that's done by almost everyone. It's a handy way to keep an "in stock" group of items and it saves you money to boot.

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