The Guest List Dilemma
and All About Invitations and Printed Materials
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Your wedding and everything about it is a reflection of you, your taste and your style. The selection of printed materials, from the all important reception invitation, to imprinted party favors should be a part of the overall look and image you are attempting to achieve. Place emphasis on detail. Stay organized. Stick to your budget. Keep in mind some of the helpful hints and guidelines that follow and your printed materials will be another complement to your beautiful, special day.

Invitations and other printed materials may be ordered from a variety of sources such as stationers, printers, jewelers, specialty and department stores. In choosing your "printer," use the same common sense procedures you use with other aspects of planning your wedding. Ask your friends and family for referrals. There's no better recommendation than a satisfied customer and no better warning than one who is not. Make a collection of wedding invitations that you have received and like. Keep them with you when you go to make your own selection. Make the rounds and compare the prices. Many printers out-source their work, so prices and mark-ups can vary greatly on the same items.

Begin by organizing your guest list. Have the bride and groom's parents print or neatly type their guest lists. Include zip codes and complete formal names. Prepare a separate list of people to whom you are sending announcements. You may use this list to keep track of gifts received (shower, engagement, wedding), and responses (whether or not guests will attend the shower, engagement party, wedding). Also use the list to keep track of when gifts were received and the date on which you sent your thank you note(s). If you have a computer, you can include the information in a database and keep track of it alphabetically. You may or may not feel that a hard copy will be helpful for use day-to-day. If you don't have a computer, the index card (3x5) system is the next best thing. Use the cards to include all the same information, and arrange them alphabetically. In both the case of the computer and the cards, you may find it helpful to keep the bride's and groom's side separately. Use the database or card file as the basis for your address book when you get married.

Working out the guest list and still having every one of the participants still speaking to one another when it's done, is one of the most difficult element of wedding planning. Unfortunately the process often leads to heated arguments and hard feelings. There always seem to be more people to invite than budget or space allow. Culling the list is often a difficult, tedious task. One of the rules of thumb guidelines that may work for you is to begin by determining the maximum number of guests you can afford and/or the number the location will accommodate (whichever is less), then divide the list in half and let each family work together to come up with a final list.

The "A List," "B List" technique often helps the process. Send your "A List" invitations out ten weeks before the wedding and include a "short" RSVP date (six weeks before the wedding). You may call people who you feel may not attend and haven't responded by the reply date. As you receive "regrets," send out your "B List" with a later response date. "B List" invitations should not be sent out later than three weeks before the wedding. If this sounds like too simple a solution to a complicated problem, that's because it probably is! One thing is for certain though, once you have determined your numbers, only invite someone else should you get a cancellation, and, never, never, tell someone verbally that they are invited, until your list is finalized.

Of all the things we can suggest, order early is quite probably the most important. With printed materials, you will learn that there is quite a bit of lag time from ordering to completion. Don't get caught having to rush. Order well in advance, at least four to six months before the wedding. You can begin even when you have not yet firmed up the number of guests you will be inviting. For your invitations, estimate the approximate quantities you will need using the following formula: Estimate the number of guests, divide by two and then add twenty-five. This formula takes into consideration your single guests, families, and couples. If you "err," do so by ordering too many rather than too few invitations. The initial cost of printing is based on typesetting and preprinting costs. That's a fancy way of saying that reordering in small quantity will be very costly. The extra invitations will also cover you should "regrets" come back in enough time for you to invite someone else. Sometimes your "printer" will furnish you with the envelopes before the invitations themselves are actually printed. This will give you plenty of time to do your addressing. Here too, you will face several options. You can hand-address your own invitations, you can enlist the services of a professional calligrapher (a real bonus, if it's within your budget), or you can, with some envelopes, run them through a computer. If the computer route is the one you select, make certain that the envelopes will run through smoothly, without jamming, and that the heat, should you use a laser printer, will not melt and bleed the ink. Should you choose to use a calligrapher or have someone computer-generate your addresses, make certain to determine and keep in mind how much extra time you will need.

There are several standard formats for the wording of an invitation. You are certainly safe to follow one of these. The wording is available in books (visit your library) or in the sample books of invitations available through your printer. You may, of course, be a bit more "adventuresome" and write your own text. The guidelines are simple. Make sure the spelling is correct. Be particularly mindful of the way people spell their names and in which form they wish them to appear. Some people may use a nickname in day-to-day affairs, but have a formal name they would prefer on your invitation. Should you chose to include a second language on your invitation (such as Hebrew for a Jewish wedding), make certain to have someone double check your spelling and grammar.

Wording in a traditional invitation begins with names of the people issuing the invitation. This is usually the bride's parents. Then comes the name of the bride, the groom's name, the date, time and place of the ceremony. The place and time of the reception may be included next, or on a separate card.

Traditionally the parents of the bride are the hosts of the wedding. This "standard" has been changed into a variety of other acceptable options. One of the almost-standard versions is to list the bride's parents, followed by the bride's name and then the groom's name, followed by "son of" the groom's parents' names. For second weddings, where there are children, the invitation might read "Joan, Jane, and Jack Invite you to the wedding of their parents Jim and Judy." Choose the wording for your invitation that applies specifically to your situation.

There are a large number of wedding invitation styles available, and, no doubt, you will be able to find one that suits your taste, style, and budget. To make the selection process even more fun, invitations can be "personalized" with the use of different fonts, ink colors, envelope linings, monograms, paper shape, and appliques. Traditionally reception invitations were taller than they were wide. There has been a shift to a vertical design that opens up and creates a more sleek and contemporary look. There has also been a shift away from the more glitter and glitzy invitation to use of earth tones, recycled papers, and shades of gender-neutral colors. Black, gray, mauve, and brown inks are still fairly standard wedding ink colors. Heavy white or off-white paper is still the most popular for formal invitations. Invitations can be reproduced in a variety of ways. Genuine copper-plated engraving is still the finest of the printing arts and should certainly be considered for the very formal wedding. Advanced printing processes have duplicated the look of engraving with thermography, where letters can be felt only on the front of the paper. Embossed printing raises dimensional lettering, borders, and artwork from the surface, without printing. Offset printing is a process by which ink is rolled from a rubber stamp onto the paper. Genuine engraving is, of course, the most expensive of these processes. Ask your printer with which of these processes you will be given a proof copy to review. If you do receive a proof, review it for typographical errors and also for content. Make certain, for example, that the day and date match.

The increased use of the computer in the printing industry has expanded your ability as an engaged couple to select multiple fonts in your printed materials, or even to do your own design and have it reproduced. There is also the option, especially for the very budget minded, of designing and printing materials "off the computer." Bear in mind that although this does provide a viable option, the quality of professionally printed materials still does tend to surpass the quality of the product produced on the average home computer. Whatever you select, it's wise to keep some uniformity throughout your printed materials. So, carryover the design and style you chose from the reception card to the thank you card, envelope, escort card, and seating card.

Your invitation may have a separate enclosure announcing the reception and a response card and an envelope. If you are trying to cut expenses, it is acceptable to include your RSVP at the bottom of your invitation, along with the place and time of the reception. If you use a separate card or cards, they should be tucked inside the invitation. The advantage of a separate card for the reception is that it allows you the option of inviting some people to the ceremony only. After placing the invitation inside the unsealed envelope, put the entire package inside the outer envelope. Make certain that you place it so that it faces the flap (i.e., the back of the envelope). For a touch of added elegance, a sheet of tissue paper may be placed over the engraving or printing. This added touch once served to ensure against smudging of the ink. Modern printing processes have eliminated the need for the paper, but some people prefer to include it anyway. If you are having any significant number of out-of-town guests, it is helpful to include a map to the ceremony and/or the reception as well as local hotel and motel information. Remember to place a stamp on the return response card. Consider a phone number for invitations with no enclosure. Before you stamp your invitation packages, take one to the post office for an official first class, mail weight. Keep in mind that invitations mailed on moist, humid days actually weigh more because the paper absorbs the moisture in the air!

Incidentally, the custom of using two envelopes (one inside the other) dates back to the days when invitations were delivered by hand. To keep the invitation clean from dust and grime, it was placed in the "protection" of an outside envelope. The custom has endured.

The address of the place of worship is not usually included, unless it's in a large city and all guests may not be familiar with the location.

For an invitation to the wedding ceremony only, an R.S.V.P. is not included.

The wording of the RSVP card can read either "RSVP" or "The favor of a reply is requested."

There is no punctuation in a wedding invitation except for commas in the day of the week and periods after abbreviations such as Jr., Mr., and Mrs.

All dates and times on an invitation are spelled out.

A.M. and P.M. are never used. Complete times with "o'clock."

It is also acceptable to write "in the afternoon" or "in the evening" after the time, such as in "four o'clock in the afternoon" or "seven o'clock in the evening."

For Information regarding Addressing Your Invitations, Click Here

Wedding announcements may be sent to those who are not invited to the wedding, but with whom you wish to share news of your special event. These are usually people who because of distance or other reasons, you know will not be able to attend. Announcements may be sent by the couple or by either or both sets of parents. Traditionally they are mailed the day of or after the ceremony.

Conventional wisdom on mailing wedding invitations ranges anywhere from three to eight weeks before the event, with six weeks the most commonly advocated time frame.

Be certain to acknowledge your wedding gifts quickly, within two to three weeks, if possible. Use a preprinted thank you note, with or without a photo of the bride and groom, or use note paper of your choice. The most important rule of thumb in writing your thank you notes is that they are as specific as possible, making reference to the particular gift you received or to the person giving you the gift. When receiving cash, try to make mention of what you will be buying with the money you received. Be personal. Be warm and be caring. If yours is a very large wedding, you may choose to send out preprinted thank you notes immediately after the wedding, so that your guests will know that you received their gifts. These cards should then be followed by a handwritten personal note.

Other printed materials . . . may include "Pew" or "Within the Ribbon" Cards. These are small cards printed with "Within the Ribbon" in a style matching your invitation. They are enclosed in the invitations of special guests whom you wish to honor by seating them at the front of the church during your wedding ceremony. A ribbon usually designates this "roped off" section, hence the name of the card. It is the usher's duty to take such cards from your special guests and usher them to their seats.

Once your guest list has been firmed up, you can write out your place cards and table cards. Check with your caterer, because these are often furnished in-house. If not, you may have to order them from your printer. Table cards direct your guests to the number of the table at which they are seated. The card includes your guest's first and last name (no titles) and the table number. For the sake of convenience, you may list couples with the same last names on one card (Jane and John Doe). Prepare two cards for couples who have different last names. These cards are then arranged alphabetically and placed on a table convenient to the entrance to where dinner is being served. They may be used regardless of whether your dinner is sit-down or buffet style.

Place cards designate assigned seats at a particular table. These are usually used at the bride's and parent's tables, and are optional elsewhere. Place cards can be placed on the folded napkin or above the dinner plate. Guests first and last names (no titles) should be written on both sides of the cards, so they may be read from either side of the table.

Your printed style and motif may also be carried over to party favors and accessories. There are a number of small token gifts that can be imprinted for your guests to take home as mementos of your special day. To further enhance the look of your event, add printed paper guest towels, cocktail napkins and other personalized printed materials.
Make certain that you over-order slightly rather than getting caught short and whatever you do, enjoy!

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