This is an issue which requires a great deal of thought and planning. If having children at a wedding is viewed and addressed as a problem, it will probably become one. It's up to the bride, the groom and their families to carefully think about the issue, discuss it and come to a conclusion that will make as many people as possible happy with the decision.

There are without doubt, certain wedding styles in which may not be appropriate, nor practical for children to attend. A very formal wedding will most likely be seriously boring for almost any age child, while a less formal, more relaxed wedding styles might accommodate children nicely. Should you decide that having children at your wedding is a priority, then that decision should play a role in your determining the kind of wedding you plan. It's not impossible to have even an ultra-formal wedding with children participating, but it requires a great deal of planning before the wedding and careful execution and assistance at the wedding.

The style of the wedding is not the major factor to be considered in making your decision. Most couples have a budget under which they are operating. The smaller the budget, generally means the shorter the guest list. As a result, selecting the guest list becomes more difficult. Only the bride, groom and their respective families can decide who "must" attend their wedding and who won't make the cut.

Yet another factor to consider is precedent. Have your children (or those of other couples) been at most of your families' and friends' weddings? Is it traditional in your circle or community to invite children? If children attended every wedding you have attended, not inviting them to your wedding is likely to cause lots of ill feelings.

Should you decide to have children on your guest list, you certainly can limit their numbers by "closing the circle." Invite only children of immediate family, or widen the circle to include nieces and nephews. Open the circle to include children only over a certain age . . . and so on until you're comfortable with the diameter of the circle you have drawn. Once you have determined what children will be on your guest list, make sure that your invitation wording makes your preferences absolutely clear. If the children of a couple are not being invited, address the invitation only to the adults.

If you have decided against having children at your wedding and are concerned that your invited guests may not "get it," you may add "Adult Reception" at the bottom of the reception card. You can try to nip hurt feelings in the bud by calling people who might be assuming that their children are included in the invitation, in advance of sending out your invitations. Be honest. Explain your feelings and just hope they'll understand your exclusion of their children.

Out-of-town guests who need to bring their children along, pose a special problem. You might consider providing them with a baby-sitter list or even of providing and paying for baby-sitting services.

If your decision is to have children present and/or participate in your wedding there are several ideas which will make things easier and run more smoothly.
Provide kid food for the youngsters. Hamburgers, french fries and pizza will suit their palates much better than filet mignon and will be far less expensive. Most caterers can arrange a special menu of food more suited to children. Those meals are almost always charged at a lower rate than adult meals.
Where possible include the children in the festivities. Where appropriate assign honors or tasks to keep them involved and out of harm's way. Here are several suggestions.