Traditionally, it is the bride who selects her gown first and it is her gown that sets the style which others will follow. The concept is that all the gowns in the wedding party should complement one another both in color and in degree of formality.

Traditionally, it is the mother-of-the-bride who selects her gown next. The rule of thumb is that mom should be allowed to select a style in which she feels comfortable, while still being in sync with the mode the bride has set with the selection of her gown. The bride's choice of color, cut, and length will also set the tone for the mother-of-the-groom, who will make her selection next. It is preferable that the mother-of-the-groom and the mother-of-the-bride should not be in the same color, but rather in colors which coordinate. One of the really courteous ways that the bride's mom can accomplish this is to send a swatch of material from her gown to the mother of the groom. To do so is a nice gesture and will help the mother-of-the-groom from overdressing or wearing clashing colors. Another option, better yet, is for the mother-of-the-bride to call her in-law to be. It's a great excuse for an opportunity to break the ice and get acquainted.

If the bride has chosen a formal wedding style, the mothers of the bride and groom, would be dressed appropriately in floor or tea-length dresses. If the mothers will be wearing hats, both should do so. For a formal wedding, gloves are in order. If the wedding is semiformal or informal, the two have more flexibility in their choice of dress length. Strictly speaking, a daytime wedding requires a short dress, although some mothers like having an opportunity to wear a long gown. What is most important is that gowns of the two moms complement one another, which makes it crucial that they communicate with one another in advance of making their purchases. The mothers of the bride and groom should begin their shopping as soon after the bride has chosen her gown, so that they have plenty of time to have alterations done perfectly. A half-inch hem can be the difference between looking stunning and looking frumpy. To be functional, floor-length gowns should be about an inch and a half from the floor.

Once black was "forbidden" as a color choice for bridesmaids. Today, many brides opt for that color in deference to their bridesmaids who may be able to wear their gowns more than just once. If the bridesmaids are dressed in black, the mothers of the bride and groom should avoid choosing that color, which still in many cultures signifies mourning. Following strict rules of etiquette, it is advisable for the mothers to avoid dresses in white, ivory, and champagne. Flashy, flamboyant, in-your-face colors, are still considered by many not to be in good taste. When push comes to shove, it's the bride's taste and wishes that ultimately determine the parameters.

There are still many brides who are happy to follow tradition Then, there are those brides who subscribe to the concept of different-strokes-for-different-folks. What's best is that before the moms start their shopping they consult with the bride and determine what she is sensitive to in terms of color and style. Moms may be surprised to find that the bride believes that "anything goes" and is perfectly comfortable with their wearing anything that's strong, if it's tasteful. Colors like teal, purples, mulberry, amethyst, hunter green, olive green, deep red, charcoal, navy or royal blue are less traditional, while more subdued colors like pale pastels, beige, champagne, sage green, or silver, work better for the bride with a traditional bent. The key is for the moms to remember is that whatever they choose it must not upstage the bride.

It is important not only for the moms to be sensitive to the bride's wishes, but for her to be sensitive to theirs. A wedding is a rite-of-passage for a mother, an important moment in her life. It is up to the bride to keep in mind that the moms also want to look their best for this very special event. Keeping that in mind, the bride may temper her vision somewhat to accommodate what looks and feels good on the two mothers.

Today's fashion designers are showing traditional mother-of-the-bride gowns, but they are also showing more "current," more "extreme" looks. The off-the-shoulder look so popular for the bride and bridesmaids are coming into the mother-of-the-bride arena, as well. Strapless gowns and spaghetti-strap dresses, with shawls or boleros coverups, worn by the right mom, with the right figure can be stunning, and elegant fashion statements. For mothers who prefer a gown with sleeves, chiffon or lace designs are in vogue. Designers of mother-of-the-bride gowns are showing mostly straight or A-line skirts, some accented with side or back slits.

The process for the mothers of the bride and groom to select their gowns really doesn't have to be a daunting task. If they start early, consult often and keep appropriateness and sensitivity in mind, it can be a wonderful exciting experience that culminates in two moms who look and feel fabulous and a bride who is delighted.

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