Click Here

If you are a practicing member of a particular religion, there is probably a religious tradition in place that sets the format of your vows. The very familiar "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse," the Episcopal vow, is just one of many pre-formatted "exchanging of vows." If, however, your religion allows some flexibility, or you are not a member of an organized religion, you may be one of many young couples today who chooses to personalize their wedding vows. This is not as easy task as one might assume and so, we offer the following framework and questions which may serve as a guide for the fashioning of personalized wedding vows.

Most wedding ceremonies are made up of five objectives and elements. They are:
1. Regrouping the guests, which refers to the process by which you get everyone's attention focused on the ceremony. This may be accomplished in one of several ways. The musical selection may be played followed by the entrance of the procession, a greeting or announcement may be given by the officiant, or a short prayer or blessing may be offered.
2. Setting the mood for the ceremony may be accomplished by readings, blessings, songs, musical selections and/or speeches. One or more of these elements may be employed as a way in which everyone in attendance can become focused on the ritual. It is also a way for the bride and grown to have several moments to gain their composure.
3. The ritual/ceremony typically includes exchanging vows and rings.
4. The inclusion of family and community rituals can be accomplished in a variety of ways. Additional customs, following family tradition, such as lighting a Unity candle, blessings, songs offered by one or more guests, Holy Communion, or the breaking of a glass (at a Jewish ceremony) are appropriate at this time.
5. Creating a sense of finality, so the ceremony has a real ending, rather than just fizzling out, can be accomplished simply with the traditional recessional of the wedding party.

Within this outline, vows are a matter of personal taste (assuming no traditional religious format of vows). This is an area in which the bride and groom can express their own individuality, by customizing and personalizing what they say to one another. He are several suggestions, tips and guidelines to help you design your own wedding vows.

1. Whether or not you are looking for a religious slant to your vows, consider visiting religious bookstores, where you will find a variety of materials from which you can choose. Start from the Bible, and if you wish, branch out from there. You will be able to find both traditional versions, as well as one or more contemporary pledges from which to choose. Most religions or religious denominations have a "play book" or "Rules of Worship" guide in which you will find complete ceremony details. There are many excellent books which include pledges and ceremony vows, religious and secular/spiritual in nature. Don't forget to use your clergy person or officiant for guidance and as a resource.

2. Look on the Internet, searching under the keywords "wedding," "ceremony" and "vows." The web is a tremendous resource in which you'll be able to share the poetry and personalized down which many couples have contributed. Take whatever parts feel good to you, leave out what doesn't speak to you and add whatever you wish. Think of writing your own vows as a mix-and-match experience.

3. Keep in mind that you do not both have to repeat the same vows. If she chooses, the bride can recite the traditional pledge, while the groom recites a more contemporary or personalized vow.

4. Keep in mind that one of the bonuses of creating your own vows is that you can personalize and mold them to your very individual circumstances. Take advantage of your leeway to include the joining of step-families, the intricacies of second marriages, as well as your personal lifestyles, hobbies and community affiliations. If, for example, you are both avid environmentalists, include your love of and commitment to one another and to nature. If you are theatrical types and enjoy putting on a "show," feel free to make your vows as elaborate as you wish. Should you be so inclined, mix the religious and spiritual with the secular by combining verses from the Bible with readings by current authors or, to the extreme, even elements from a pagan handfasting. You might consider including material about what marriage means to you, or introduce tokens or possessions which have particular significance to you.

When you finally actually get down to writing your own vows, ask yourself the kinds of questions and engage in the kind of dialogue that will prompt and evoke information which can be formatted into a pledge to one another. Discuss and think about the special moments which you have shared as a couple, the promises you have made to each other and the goals which you have set. Talk about the ways in which your engagement, and now your marriage, has changed you as individuals and yourselves as a couple unit. Think about what you would like your future together to be based on --- the moral, ethical, spiritual, religious and community foundations which are important to you. Take notes while you converse and then formats your vows or pledges, together or as a couple.

Writing your own vows allows you a great deal of flexibility, use of creativity and imagination. What you do also need to keep in mind is that your vows are being exchanged in the presence of your guests, including your family and friends. It is very important to make certain that although your vows are personal, they do not offend those with whom they are being shared. Enjoy the process and the very special significance it will have today and tomorrow to you as a married couple.