If your budget permits, a rehearsal dinner is a lovely way of "rewarding" your attendants and creating a stress-free environment to review wedding details. Such a dinner not only extends the festivities, but also allows you to offer hospitality to out-of-town guests who incur added expenses by attending your wedding.

The rehearsal dinner is a terrific way of having the "key players," including the immediate families and your attendants meet one another, as well as some of your guests. Most rehearsal dinners are held at a private home, club, or restaurant. Especially if the groom's mom is not from the same town as the bride's family it makes sense for her to ask the bride's mother for restaurant recommendations, and then follow up, by phone, herself.

In the same way as wedding receptions and ceremonies have taken on new and interesting forms, couples are becoming more and more creative about the ways in which they use the rehearsal dinner.

By the book, the rehearsal dinner is usually hosted and paid for by the groom's parents. The event is scheduled for the evening before the wedding. Those who are invited are the bridal party (including their spouses), or significant others, and just a few very close friends.

According strictly to etiquette guidelines, out-of-town guests are not invited, unless they have come from very far away. The area of out-of-towners is one where the traditional parameters have been expanded, as more and more out-of-town guests are being invited routinely to rehearsal dinners, or in the alternative, an evening's entertainment is arranged especially for them. One new spin on dinner is a desserts-only buffet. In any event, such rehearsal events now often include not only food and music, but even a "roast" or a "This is Your Life" of the couple. Although tradition suggests that guests leave fairly soon after dessert is served, many couples are extending the event by bringing in a band for dancing. In some cases the bride's family or close friends of the family invite the out-of-town guests to an after-the-wedding brunch or breakfast. These festivities serve also to introduce the immediate family members who may offer toasts, give speeches, or anything else that imagination and creativity conjure up and are in good taste.

A word about rehearsal dinner toasts . . .
Traditionally, the toasts begin with the serving of the first course. The host, usually the groom's father, welcomes the guests and thanks the bride's parents for hosting the wedding. The bride's father responds with his own good wishes, followed by the groom, the groomsmen, and a bridesmaid or two. In the new parameters of today's etiquette, more and more guests are participating as well and it's not even unusual for the bride or her mother to add a few words. The rehearsal dinner is the perfect time for the bride and groom to present their wedding party with small gifts. These new "rituals" create a less formal but more memorable gathering.

Holding a rehearsal event of any kind is not mandatory and there are situations in which it even may be in bad taste. If in-laws or stepparents don't get along, planning another event at which they need to exchange pleasantries is foolish. A much better alternative is no function at all or instead a quiet meal with just the best man and maid of honor.

The fact that rehearsal dinners, like many other wedding customs and traditions are being expanded on and getting new twists is a testament to the creativity and flexibility of today's couples and their families. Whether you decide to have a fancy sit-down dinner, a dessert-buffet, a picnic, a barbeque, a pizza party, or even a potluck, the rehearsal "dinner" is an opportunity to set the tone of joy, fellowship and celebration for all of your wedding festivities.

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