Bridal Registries
New and Not-So-New Ways to Gift and Be Gifted

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In the past guests who were selecting an engagement or wedding gift for a new couple were on their own to find and purchase something appropriate. It was the buyer's responsibility to figure out what the couple might need or want, as well as what they did not already have. This system allowed the purchaser of the gift to use his or her own judgement and taste when making a selection and buying the gift. Some people feel that the thinking, choosing, selecting and buying were "the fun part." For others it was a painful, sometimes frustrating process.

Today, things are very different. Many young couples already have their own homes, furnished with basic needs. Some young couples choose to set up house together before they are married. Others combine two households when they marry. They begin their lives together sifting through the two-of-a-kind items they own in order to pare down to what they need. It's a good idea to prioritizing the list and include what they really need, leaving out less-desired gifts. It's also a good idea to include items within a spectrum of price ranges, so as to accommodate all the guests' budgets. These new living arrangements make gift buying that much more complicated. The chances of buying something that the young couple doesn't need, or something that is not to their taste or liking becomes much more likely. To avoid duplication in gifts and to increase the chances of getting the couple what they really want and need, many brides today make use of a general Bridal Gift Registry, or a number of different, specialized Bridal Gift Registries. If the bride and groom already share a household, it may be best to register in a "non-traditional store," like a gourmet cooking store, sporting goods shop or camping store and request items which are not "typical" wedding gifts.

The concept of the Bridal Registry is fairly simple. The bride registers her preference in china, silver and crystal, as well as the more basic household items. Her mother can now refer friends to the Bridal Gift Registry, or Registries. With the bride's preference card before her, or with a computer-generated list, the gift consultant(s) can tell people exactly what the bride needs. The number of on-line bridal registries is increasing day by day. Most major stores have their own web sites and their own, on-line gift registries.

Today, more often than not, the bride and groom will participate in the registry process together. If the couple aren't living in close proximity to one another, the process is made easier if they pick a large department, with registry catalogs, from which the two can make their choices. "Joint" shopping on the Internet is another way to get past issues of distance.

The prospective bride and groom can add items at will and gifts are removed "automatically" from the list as purchases are made. The gift buyer can then choose a gift within his or her means, one that presumably is just right. More often than not, the Bridal Registry is the easiest solution to an otherwise complicated problem.

There are several basics that the bride-to-be should know, rules of etiquette which she should be follow. She should begin by purchasing a notebook of some kind or, if she prefers, a bridal gift register. The purpose of the book, whichever she chooses, is to keep track as gifts are received, of the name and address of the person who purchased the gift and the date the gift was received. It's important also to record a simple description of the gift, so that thank you notes can be personalized. When a thank you note is written, the date of acknowledgment is noted.

The simplest system to keep track of gifts is to assign a number to each gift that then corresponds with a number in the book. Good rules of etiquette prescribe that gifts should be acknowledged within a week of their receipt. Some brides still display their gifts at home, so they can be seen by visitors. Under no circumstances should gifts be opened or displayed at the reception. If the couple assumes that most guests will be bringing presents, as apposed to monetary gifts, it's a good idea to purchase a floater insurance policy which will cover the gifts at the reception and while they are in transit.

No article of registries or gifts would be complete without addresseing the question of cash gifts. Many young couples consider cash the very best gifts because it allows them to make whatever purchases they wish, wherever they wish. Cash gifts work particularly well when the young couple is planning to move away from home. It seems like a real waste of money to pack the gifts and then pay to have them moved. Strict adherence to rules of etiquette require the preference for cash gifts should not be announced by the bride and groom. It should be left to close family and friends to pass the word. Under no circumstances should "Cash gifts, please" be included on the invitation!

. . . And then there are "New Traditions."
In order to accommodate the wishes of more and more couples for cash gifts, the rules of ettiquette are being bent and, sometimes, even broken. There are honeymoon registries to which guests can contribute toward the couple's honeymoon. There are "first home registries" to which guests can contribute toward the purchase of a couple's home. Some people see absolutely no problem with money as a gift, while other find it an unacceptable, impersonal alternative. The decision by a couple to "change the rules" is a very personal and very important one. Ultimately it is each guest's decision what to buy and what to give.

Under no circumstances, should a couple register for gifts with the intention of returning the gifts to "get the cash." This is really tacky because it totally negates the underlying concept of the gift registry and, even more so, ignores the time and effort required by guests who are "obliging" the couple by using their registries.

There are those who will continue to feel that registries, and even more so cash gifts, take away the opportunity to be innovative and creative when selecting a gift. There are those who feel that, in an age when time is at such a premium, Bridal Registries, simplify the process of gift giving. Both options are acceptable and regardless of how gifts are purchased, the prospective bride and groom should be gracious about receiving the gift and thanking the gift giver.

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