Perhaps it is because so many of today's marriages end in divorce. Perhaps it is that some couples wish to honor their ability to weather the difficulties which relationships present. Or, perhaps it is an opportunity to share a happy moment with friends and family. Whatever the reason, many couples today choose to mark their unity by renewing their vows and, thereby, publically reaffirming their love for one another. Vow renewals are a celebration of marriage itself.

A vow renewal ceremony may be scheduled for anytime, but typically is done on "special" anniversary dates, such as fifth, tenth and so one. Celebrated more than once every five years, the ceremony loses its sense of being special. The rules of etiquette for vow renewals is rather informal and less complete than it is for "first" weddings. Sources vary in the information they provide and there is quite a bit of inconsistency. If the couple's motivations are honorable and loving, the results will, in all likelihood, reflect those sentiments.

The renewal of vows usually follows one of two formats, religious or civil. The blessing of the marriage is a religious ceremony. The specific content is decided upon by the officiant, with input from the couple. The degree of formality may vary from a blessing by an officiant during regularly scheduled, religious services to a full-blown ceremony. The latter is often the case when a couple's original wedding was a civil ceremony, not recognized by their church. The renewal of vows is then considered the "real, first wedding." Many couples choose to celebrate the blessing in a small, private service held during daytime hours. The appropriate attire is what one would choose to wear to religious services. Unless the format of the religious ceremony requires attendants, there usually are none. Invitations should be handwritten and sent only to a small group of guests who will understand and appreciate the religious significance of the event. The celebration/reception which follows the service may be as simple or as elaborate as the couple prefers. Should the couple choose to hold the blessing of the marriage in an evening service, perhaps followed by a formal party, it is appropriate for the bride to wear any evening gown and for the groom to wear a tuxedo. Some "brides" are breaking with etiquette and choosing to wear their wedding gowns at their renewal ceremonies. This is just one example of customs changing with the tide. The kind "bride" will not ask her maid of honor and bridesmaids to wear their original dresses.

An invitation to a blessing does not obligate guests to a bring gifts, unless, of course, they did not send a gift previously because they did not consider the couple as married until the religious ceremony was performed. Couples invited to a secular vow renewal are also not obligated to bring gifts. Most couples choose to invite only close friends and family, while some include everyone who attended the original wedding (plus their children and grandchildren, if applicable). It is not considered appropriate to add people who were not present at the original wedding, until the couple is married at least twenty years. Probably the best rule of thumb for whom to invite is to follow good judgement in deciding who of the couple's friends would really enjoy being invited and participate joyfully. Attendance should not be viewed as a n obligation, but rather, an honor. In any event, a smaller list is always better than a long one.

In some instances, a couple may not have been able to afford the wedding they wanted because of budget restrictions. In some cases, due to unfortunate circumstances, friends and family may not have been able to attend. Some couples may have been separated after their wedding because of military service or other outside influences. Vow renewal can serve as a way to "have the wedding they dreamed of," as long as the celebration is kept in proper proportion and executed in good taste, keeping in mind that re-commitment is the cornerstone of the event and the party is secondary. A reuniting ceremony can be truly moving and significant when planned within such guidelines.

The general idea is not to try to recreate the "first" wedding, while adding some "repeats," like the bride's bouquet or corsage, can be very moving. If there are to be attendants, they should be the same people who attended the original wedding. If those people are no longer significant players in the couple's lives, they may opt to substitute new friends, family or even their children.

The pivotal concept of vow renewal ceremonies is the wish to renew existing vows, so the ceremony should be patterned as closely as possible on the original ceremony. The ceremony can be mas even more meaningful if the couple provides an introduction, explaining the motivation behind their decision to renew their vows. In that way the couple reaches out and includes their guests in their very special event.

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